There’s an incident
described in Paul Bowles’ autobiography Without Stopping, relayed without sentiment or much elaboration, in
which the author flips a coin as a method of deciding between two actions: heads
he sets off for Europe as soon as possible, tails he overdoses on barbiturates.
Bowles doesn’t recall having had the idea to do this, only suddenly,
compulsively, performing the act. “It occurred to me,” he writes, “that this
meant that I was not the I I thought I was or, rather, that there was a second I
in me who had suddenly assumed command.” Whichever “I” took command of Bowles’
life at such turning points was clearly drawn to games of chance, and at times
to outright danger—yet perhaps this “I” had a shapr eye for the odds. Had Bowles
found tails, and had he followed through with its dictates, he would have died
far too young, far in advance of most of the journeys and friendships with
famous and talented people that would bless his life, far in advance of becoming
the celebrated composer and fiction writer so many cherish. But Bowles got
heads, went to Europe and many other, much stranger places, married a woman who
would also prove a marvelous, eerily like-minded writer, produced a great deal
of music and wrote or translated a good number of books, and lived until the age
of 88. Last 30 December he would have turned 100. So this is a belated happy
birthday.
As usual
I reminded myself that since nothing was real, it did not matter too
much.
—Without Stopping
William Burroughs, who
came to know Bowles in Tangier in the 1950s, once quipped that Bowles should
have titled his autobiography Without Telling, referring to Bowles’ indefatigable reticence
regarding his sexuality. But Without Stopping actually tells us a lot about
this very particular, very peculiar man, especially his enduringly hazy sense of
volition and sense of the fluidity of self. That troublesome “I” referred to
above tells us something about the narrator of ‘You Are Not I’, an escapee from
a mental institution who seems to undergo some sort of psychic transference by
placing a stone in her sister’s mouth. I read Without
Stopping only
after reading Bowles’ more famous works, namely the novels The Sheltering
Sky
and Let It Come
Down and those
incredible short stories, and found it to be easily one of the most vivid and
fascinating items in the canon, though to be sure, it only deepens the mysteries
surrounding Bowles’ life and work. The couple traversing the Sahara in
The Sheltering
Sky find only
death or perdition; the widower in ‘Pages From Cold Point,’ who relocates he and
his son to a remote island so as to escape what he deems a doomed and grotesque
civilization, finds that what’s most repulsive about the life he’s left behind
has been following him all along. Nearly everything Bowles published reads like
a warning to Westerners to stay home, yet Bowles, raised comfortably—if under
the terror of a reportedly draconian father—in the Eastern US, cultivated a
legacy as the quintessential expatriate, always seeking roads less traveled and
living out much of his life in North Africa. He couldn’t bear staying home.
Thing is, however terrifying or fraught Bowles made traveling sound, something
in his stories remained seductive. He certainly made me want to go
everywhere.
“You
don’t take a honeymoon alone,” he interrupted.
“You might.” She laughed
shortly.
—‘Call at Corazón’
It’s easy to emphasize Paul Bowles’
weirdness—we’re talking about a guy who took an extraordinarily long time to
differentiate between the sexes as a boy, and one who happily married a woman
despite the fact that both he and Jane Bowles seemed primarily if not
exclusively homosexual. But I think Bowles’ manner of grappling with ambivalence
in both his personal life and his fiction is what resonates so intensely with
readers. Those characters who most resemble Bowles seem perpetually torn between
companionship and solitude. In an especially memorable chapter of
The Sheltering
Sky Port
returns at night to a desolate, beautiful place he’d visited earlier in the day
with Kit. By returning alone and in secret he seems to be correcting the
earlier, shared, and somehow flawed experience of the place. Yet Port isn’t
tempted to abandon Kit—he wants to keep sharing things with her, even at risk of
spoiling some of them. Perhaps this tension is itself desirable. Perhaps, for
all its detached, quietly unnerving qualities, The Sheltering
Sky is simply
an accurate portrait of marriage. It is, in any case, as good a place as any to
discover Bowles if you’ve never read him. That or The Delicate Prey and Other
Stories.
Bowles at 100.
Del blog The phantom country.
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